One of the most important aspects of achieving holistic health is the building of emotional awareness and intelligence. Chronic health challenges virtually always involve mental and emotional stresses that are buried, exaggerated or simply not accessed. All too often, those who are sick are very highly educated on physical topics and eager to apply those types of therapies. If we are to live as free and healthy people, respect of our emotional “bodies” is paramount. Here, I will explore with you the important steps to gaining emotional health and intelligence.

At True Nature, we focus deeply on the intricacies of physical illness and dysfunction. It may take some time being in a process for there to be the trust and readiness to explore mental/emotional stresses that are compounding the physical ones - that’s ok, because trust is paramount in the allowance of vulnerability and disclosure. Why do we care? While I could offer a very lengthy dissertation on why, I am going to share two profoundly impactful published books on body/mind connections, and these are:

The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter & Miracles by Bruce Lipton, PhD.
Anatomy of the Spirit by Caroline Myss.

Through the in-depth exploration of these writings, one learns the science and ancient truths of the physical internalization of our beliefs, thoughts and feelings.

Everything begins with a belief

While we’ll talk a good bit about emotional intelligence and how to develop it, I begin with the conversation of core beliefs (and the main focus of Dr. Lipton’s book). Absolutely every experience of thought, feeling and action we have begins with a core belief. The belief is the “driver” of the wheel that produces everything else.

We develop core beliefs in childhood during years when we have little conscious awareness of what they mean. We are gathering information about ourselves in relationship to those around us and to the world around us. We make judgments based upon that information about who we are. Core beliefs are “I am” statements about ourselves, and while often quite “simple”, they are quite profound - and they are embedded in the subconscious mind.

As you can see from the wheel, the belief drives WHAT WE THINK, WHAT WE FEEL, and WHAT WE DO. If we are working to gain comfort and confidence in our emotional lives, it is imperative to go through the process to determine what core beliefs are (consciously or unconsciously) driving our entire experience. Many people spend decades in therapy working to uncover feelings, manage them, “reframe” them, etc. While much of this process is useful, it is laborious and constant if/when core beliefs are not discovered and reframed. The reason, again, is that the belief drives everything. Without restructuring a core belief that does not serve empowerment and freedom, we will just be worker-bees in the job of feelings management. Probably the most common core belief I encounter in doing this work with people is “I am not good enough” (smart enough, fast enough, worthy of, etc are all versions of this belief). All physical and mental/emotional coping strategies are associated with life experiences and the subsequent establishment of core beliefs.

HONESTY is the highest form of intimacy. We must first be honest with ourselves before we can be truly honest with others. It may not be easy to do this, but as the saying goes…”The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off!” And the very moment you change your perception is the moment your healing begins.

(Note: a specific process is needed to access core beliefs successfully and to “turn” them. Without the process, people often circumvent the hardest truth.) Now, let’s discuss what comes subsequently.

Awareness, acceptance and action

As a new and supportive core belief is bolstered and begins to be operative in the mind, many disruptive thoughts and feelings will begin to fade. There will be much less disturbance and time spent sorting out feelings. That being said, most of us have spent decades bolstering old, negative beliefs and it takes time and self-awareness to be deeply anchored in new ways. Aside from this reinforcement we need to give to a new belief, the truth is that building self-awareness is for a lifetime. Things change constantly, and as we both learn new things and encounter new situations, these practices will give us enduring confidence in our abilities to know ourselves and make choices that align with what we believe.

There are 3 steps we can follow to create our greatest health and freedom in mental/emotional arenas. Step 1 is creating awareness. Awareness requires slowing down and noticing what is arising. While we may well notice an uncomfortable feeling while scurrying about in our lives, we aren’t going to reach a true “feeling” state unless we allow the feeling to sink in. Notice I said sink in, not get buried, shoved away, given hyper-focus or exaggerated. Feelings are like small children…they tug at our sleeves requesting attention. If we ignore a small child tugging, they will tug harder. If we give a small child too much sympathy/attention when tugging, they will exaggerate the feeling and problem. If we acknowledge the child and the need with balance, the situation resolves. So, simply notice your feeling - is it angry? sad? afraid? You are not your feeling. It is just a response to something you have believed and had a thought about. Notice it and how it feels, as well as where your body feels it.

Step 2 is creating acceptance. This is big, because if we don’t accept the feeling but rather reject it, it will respond like the small child, intensifying. An unaccepted/avoided feeling finds a different way to erupt in life...it just morphs into a new manifestation of the same energy it was created from. We all have an inner judge, or critic, that says which feelings are ok and which are not. We’ve been taught this culturally (and most often, in our family systems). The feeling cannot be released until it is accepted. A very common experience in this step that adds to failure to accept is that the feeling itself is challenging and shame is layered on top of it. We are more afraid of shame than almost anything. Let the feeling exist on its own after you’ve acknowledged the shame attached to it. Nothing new happened. No worst-case-scenario unfolded. It was just a feeling.

Step 3 is creating action. Sometimes the only action is the step listed above. Sometimes there is nothing to be done other than to accept what is. Some things cannot be changed and we will have feelings about that. But if the feeling is calling for action, we’ll want to refer back to a healthy core belief and be sure that any chosen action is aligned there. Any action that is out of integrity with who we are choosing to be in the world will reinforce an old belief and cause conflict with the new one. Be thoughtful - if you act in a certain way, which belief is being bolstered?

Now, let’s talk about some support practices that can be done daily to help us to slow down and complete these steps.

Many of us are doing that scurrying about in a state of heightened nervous stimulation. I have shared a practice that requires 5 minutes a day utilizing one of 4 breathing techniques which are researched to calm and tonify the nervous system for a full 24 hours. Your breath is right there with you, all day everyday. Multitudes of people have shared how much this has helped them on a daily basis, and it can certainly be repeated when in a stressful situation.

I have also shared information on stream of consciousness journaling. This practice was also coined “morning pages” by a writer named Julia Cameron who published the book “The Artist’s Way”. This is a profound daily practice of sitting with pen and paper for a few minutes to “brain drain”. Many feeling, empathic people have thin filters…they absorb a lot of energy and a lot of information in their daily lives. This takes up energetic space! It can become difficult to focus on and provide space for ourselves and our own experiences when we are filling it up with everything going on around us. I always recommend to clients to do this practice before any other meaningful explorations of feelings and circumstances going on in their lives. Leave out the linear thinking and processing…let your mind run where it runs, draw pictures, write single words vs. sentences. Beginning with the journaling makes room for the most useful and creative information to flow around a stressful situation or feeling.

Additionally, I suggest doing what is called “shadow work”. This means exploring the dark sides of the human archetypes that are present in us. Even with effective core belief work, shadow work will inform us about how we have relied on certain behaviors to our detriment and help us return to a healthy position of strength with any archetypal energy. We all have archetypes that are part of our strongest selves. They are related to personal gifts and talents and they provide signals for us in our waking lives. But “shadows” of archetypes interact with our unconscious darkness. Carl Jung elaborated on the shadows in response to Plato’s “Forms". Some examples of shadow types are the Saboteur, Trickster or Critic. (Caroline Myss is a great resource for this type of material as well. For those who enjoy video/visual input, she has an online series on the archetypes.) Alternately, many people opt to do this work specifically with a trained therapist.

Spending time slowing down in nature is something else at the top of the list. Notice how often nature creates a ripple and the beauty becomes simply stunning…this is a wonderful metaphor for healing. Things will invariably be uncomfortable at first, and as we stay present and engaged, the beauty arrives.

Have a massage…but don’t “check out”… feel every bit of it. Follow the touch and what it stirs in you. Research shows that rhythmic therapeutic massage balances the brain and the nervous system.

Exercise, including with intentional breath/movement practices such as Qi gong or yoga.

PLAY!!

Essentially…balance your nervous system daily and do it prior to working on conscious emotional growth. This allows more helpful information to reveal itself vs. reacting to an overloaded nervous system.

A side note - beware of “spiritual bypassing”

I recommend the work of author Danielle LaPorte, and I especially love her wisdom surrounding spirituality and use of it in “bypassing”. I am 100% in agreement with LaPorte as she explains that psychological/feeling work is what gives us the strength and fortitude to exercise spirit. It provides self awareness, and through self awareness, we come closest to that which inspires us on a spiritual level.

She notes that a major trap is when we try to “rise above” what is human and felt, justifying a bypass through some spiritual position. In this place, there are “acceptable” and “unacceptable” feelings. There is also pretense that we don’t feel something, and that pretense ends up splitting the levels of our being. She uses the term “spiritual glamour” which connotes some type of qualification for special treatment in life…as if we will not have lessons or humanity. There is a sense of superiority and a judgment that no one needs to feel anything “bad” if they are properly appointed with this glamour.

Spiritual laws and peace are best integrated when our psychological and physical decks are “clean”, so to speak.

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive, interpret, demonstrate, control, evaluate, and use emotions to communicate with and relate to others effectively and constructively. Because we all live in connection with others, this becomes an important part of our development. Living and working with others creates conflict, and without emotional intelligence, conflict is stressful. Remember, honesty is the highest form of intimacy…get it with yourself first, and then extend it to others, and also remember they’ll need to extend it with you!

Once a supportive core belief has taken hold in our conscious and subconscious minds, many difficult emotions will begin to fade away and those that are in alignment with the core belief will surface. This flows over into our abilities to consider and relate to others effectively as well. Here are the signs of emotional intelligence:

An awareness of personal strengths and limitations
An ability to identify and describe what people are feeling
Self-confidence and self-acceptance
The ability to let go of mistakes
An ability to accept and embrace change
A strong sense of curiosity, particularly about other people
Feelings of empathy and concern for others
Showing sensitivity to the feelings of other people
Accepting responsibility for mistakes
The ability to manage emotions in difficult situations

Summations and solutions

We are all biological and biographical. We cannot separate these layers from one another. Our physical, emotional and spiritual experiences are co-mingling and all providing feedback to each other. Avoiding the pain of our biography can create more pain in our biology.

Holistic health care is really an education and an alchemy of combined practices that return a person’s natural, intrinsic and homeostatic balances. In the end, the goal of emotional awareness, presence and intelligence is peace. We all live in a world full of imperfection with that same world promoting images of its polar opposite - perfection. Self awareness does not engender perfection, but rather peace with what is and what cannot be changed.

I have personally gone through all of the expressions of these layers in my life, the attempts to avoid them and the ultimate success of greeting and working with them. I utilized every single step and practice listed in this article, and still do. As a clinician, I have also worked these processes with a multitude of clients over the decades.

We are really talking about wellness biology and biography. You too have this reality available to you! Begin with the steps of redefining your core belief and practicing awareness, acceptance and action. Give these steps at least an hour a day with focused attention. Feelings come and go all day long and that is ultimately the awareness we will settle with, but focused growth work will allow that ongoing flow to be less intrusive.

Your body and mind will begin to respond in new ways, and deeper dives can always be supported professionally. For personal support, please write to me at Julie@truenaturehealthconsulting.com. We provide holistic telehealth services.

(Note: This information is not intended for treatment of any mental disorder. Those with diagnosed or suspected disorders should always seek medical/professional supervision.)

Your Biography, Biology and Emotional Intelligence

Everything begins with a belief

Awareness, acceptance and action

A side note - beware of “spiritual bypassing”

What is emotional intelligence?

Summations and solutions